By: M.E. Sy
Our very own existence is reciprocated by other beings that have similarities to our corporeal structure within a ‘society’. Society is where people are bound regardless of their beliefs, cultural differences, race and a whole lot more. It is unavoidable. It creates relationships like friendship, marital, couple and family relationships. But when the link between two people or among groups gradually thins out, what are the signs? There are times that there would only just be misunderstandings and such interpretations that are caused by distance, change of status and busy schedules. However, what if the symptoms still persist? What should be done? What if they are not healthy to remain in your life anymore? Isn’t that whoever are close to you are the ones who can hurt you the most? Eliminating toxic people from your life sometimes is not a negative thing but just the way of life so that you can move on directly to the path that will lead you to where you should be. Whether they are your friends, relatives, co-workers or lovers, you should keep in mind these signs:
- They only know their own pain.
We always need someone to hear us out when boughs of agony and indecisions come our way. It is just a method of flushing out negative feelings that are destructive to our humanity. A thing or two that can tell if a person doesn’t like you or doesn’t care about you anymore is that they show no interest in listening to your problems whole-heatedly and they don’t know how to empathize. They would often vent out their miseries to you but when it’s your time to do so, they would laugh at you agonies and they think that you are just exaggerating when in fact, you’re drowning in pain. They illustrate less or no interest at all.
- They are only present when “it’s raining”.
They sometimes attempt to communicate with you, yes? That’s good to hear. When they find out something new about you through your SNS (Social Networking Sites) accounts or with other forms of knowing bits of updates about you, they will suddenly be interested in you. Then there goes a message that would pop out of your chat box or phone inbox asking, “How have you been?” A short sequence, sometimes two to three sentences, of correspondence will be exchanged until they open out their problems to you. The next is that the whole conversation will be about them and not about you anymore. Those kinds of people will just be present when they need you as a shock absorber and an object of catharsis especially when “it’s raining on their side”. When the sunshine is already out, they will be partying with other people who they really prefer to be with.
- When you don’t know them anymore.
They are not concerned with you and what you have to say anymore. They think that they are more of high value to be conversing to the likes of you. They will be opening topics that they are sure you are not familiar with and are exclusive only to their own experiences and jargons. They will do that particularly when you are with the same circle of people, you will be left out with the exchange of conversation. They make sure that you will look clueless and an imbecile. When someone from your group is hinting about the ‘must’ cessation of topics (some are still humble as they are), those kinds of people won’t stop and make it worst by making you feel that you are ‘nothing’.
Moreover, they think highly of themselves and forgot what you did for them when they are still on the ground WITH you. Whenever they do things for you even when they offer it eagerly to you in the first place without you asking them for such assistance, rest assured that the next time, you’ll hear that they’ll be very proud and tell others what they have done for you, computing and calculating how big and great the assistance is. The only time that they will keep in touch with you is when they have something to brag about.
- They don’t care about how you feel. They pretend to care about you but they really don’t.
They try to deviate away from the topic that you have opened and whatever you say, they seem to focus on their own thoughts rather than yours. There is no give and take, no respect for one’s thoughts anymore. They are not concerned with YOU. They only pretend to be concerned with you for the pretext that they want to create positive feelings so that when they request something to you, you would definitely say YES. They are only interested in what you can do for them.
- They don’t even give you just a bit of their time anymore
They will assume that you are just contacting them when you need something from them when in reality; you just really miss them and want to have a ‘catch-up’ chit-chat. They seldom keep in touch and the worst thing is that when you try to reach out, they will turn off their phones, reject the call, or pretend that they haven’t notice their devices for incoming messages and calls. They won’t be replying to your SMS even if they surely have some prepaid load or if they are enrolled to a promo of web surfing phone data plus free text messages (some Telco from other countries offer this promo such as Telco in the Philippines).
In essence, the length and duration of your relationship with people should not be considered. More often than not, those whom you’ve just met just a few months back are the ones who can make a big difference in your life and you can really count on. Just keep those who matter the most. It doesn’t imply that you should not give chance to those people whom you’ve cared about and knew the longest, what is stated here is that analyze the signs but at the same time, use benefit of a doubt. Learn how to balance. Some people change for the best or for the worst. Others have the chance to go back to the way it was.